You Don't Know Your WORTH

I didn’t plan on writing about this topic for my next post but a very real conversation I had with a respected and trusted friend made me realize that for me, this idea needs my attention sooner than later.  

There is a Khalid song titled Know Your Worth, https://youtu.be/aEDULPGIwcg?si=cQ4yTUKEpGBDFl5O

and as I write this I am listening to it, but differently than before.  A few favorite lines, 

You don’t know your worth

All the things I know you deserve

Say it’s not real if it doesn’t hurt

Find someone you know will put you first

Find someone who loves you at your worst

If you know me personally or have read even one of my posts on here, you will know that I always preach concepts like being brave, independent, not settling for less, and standing your ground on your morales, and while I think I do play by these rules on a day to day basis, I now see that on a deeper level I don’t believe any of it for myself.  I’m here to confess that I let people in over and over again that let me down.  People I know don’t deserve my time, people who have shit intentions from the jump and people that have proven time and time again they can’t and won’t match my energy, drive or intelligence.  I spend a lot of my time feeling let down and asking myself why am I not good enough, or what did I do wrong.  It leaves me feeling lonely and irritated.  

Why?  Why would I leave a door open for people to hurt me?  I think about how this starts in my personal situation and I've realized typically I’m feeling under-accomplished or inadequate for whatever reason, and someone comes along or I reach out to the ‘easy targets’ in my circle to fill the void.  This is where the mistake lies.  Part of the solution is on me to change my own habits, but y’all know I won’t let an opportunity pass to bash society for the mind-fuck that is pushed on us. We are expected to be ‘happy’ all the time and if you aren’t, something is wrong with you.  Sound familiar?  That is the messaging that we receive from the world, so to combat this we buy shit we don't need, eat shit we don’t need and open our doors to shit people we don't need.  All in an effort to ‘be happy’. Let's stop the madness, at least on the shit people part.

Know your worth.  Think about it in a new light. You go to the store to buy groceries.  At the register, your bill is $100.  Do you haggle with the cashier and ask to pay $75 instead?  No, you pull out your money and go about your day.  The cost is not negotiable.  This concept should be the same when deciding what or who to give your time to. How hard have you worked for the material things you have?  How long did you have to save up to buy that sports car or boat?  How many years did you have to go to school to get the job?  It’s fine to ask these questions per society and chances are all these questions we have either heard or have asked before.   What questions should we be asking when talking about your non-material value and why is no one doing it?   Questions like how much therapy did it take to find some peace in my life?  What did I have to go through in my life to cause me to form my opinions?  We value our material accomplishments so much more than the emotional ones.  Make them equal.  If you don’t allow someone to question your status based on your job or car or how you dress, then don’t let them question your emotional ones.  Think about it like this, if you're looking for a  partner that is equivalent to a Porsche don’t buy the Honda because it’s earlier to find.  Find that Porsche my friends no matter how long it takes to find it.  Instead of the minimum entrance fee for a place into your life, what if you make people pay full price?  What does that look like?  What do you charge?  Is it enough?  

No one teaches you to ask these things.  It’s not commonplace to address these things openly, establish a border and hold strong.  You’re told you need to settle, you won’t find what you are looking for if you have so many rules or requirements, and if your bar is too high you’ll never find happiness.  I think the opposite is true.  Project what you want and you will find it.  If you believe you are looking for a confident, intelligent and athletic partner you shouldn't be hunting for them at the bar or at work.  Maybe join a sports club or volunteer doing something that matters to you.  Look for what you want in the places you want to be.  If I say I want a raise and more responsibility at work, I don’t show up late or complain about workload.  Instead I ask for more training and get involved in conversations with the people that can help make things happen for me.  You may not have the job or partner that you see in your visions, but if you know what you want don’t settle for ‘good enough’.  When approached by something that does not check all the boxes, keep moving.  An ‘almost match’ to your requirements is NOT first place.  Anything other than first place is the loser.  Dismiss it.  Do not let all that apply think they were good enough to win the prize.  The prize is your time, energy, your mind, your body or your soul.  If they do not pay full price, they do not get any goods.  It is the most basic form of trading and yet we do not apply it in the area where, arguably, it would serve us the most.  

Ask yourself, what am I worth?  Make a list of your requirements in all areas of your life.  Clean up this list so that you have a framework for things you will not budge on.  Have you done this?  Do you think you need to become more strict with who you allow into your life?  Maybe you need to adjust your list as your life changes.  How would this benefit your mental health, and create more peace in your life?  You may find that you start attracting the things you are looking for instead of the things that you are trying to get away from.  

Now when I play, ‘Know Your Worth’ by Khalid, I can say with confidence that yes, I do know my worth.