The Giving Season

 

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.  There is magic, kindness, a lightness in the air, that signature Christmas feeling.  A feeling that we can so easily capture as kids but the older I get, the more I struggle to find the magic in the season.  Holding onto that feeling is a challenge.  One day you have it and the next day it is gone.  My suspicion is that most of us have trouble finding the magic in the season or having an interest in the season at all.  In this thought journey, I want to explore the reasons why I think the collective group of us can’t enjoy the most wonderful time of the year as we should.  Let’s explore.

There are many classic Christmas tales that we look forward to every year.  The two I will focus on for the purpose of this discussion are the Scrooge, and the Grinch.  The Scrooge shows us that focusing on work, material and monetary gains and ultimately greed, do nothing but steal your joy, allow loneliness to creep in, and force one to view the world through a pessimistic lens.  The Grinch, tells a similar tale, minus the lesson on material gains.  In both stories, the main character does not find peace, joy or light heartedness and can not stand Christmas until he opens his own heart to loved ones and strangers around him.  The take away in both cases can only be that the magic of the holidays isn’t found in gifts under the tree or cars with bows in the driveway.  Joy starts with family, giving to someone less fortunate and sharing love not stuff.

I’m going to take a moment to define what a gift should be.  A gift is not something that you give off of a wish list because the expectation is to not show up empty handed.  A gift is something that you give when a specific item makes you think of that specific person.   Or, it could be something you give to make things easier for someone less fortunate, or something you buy knowing they have had their eye on this item but have yet to purchase for themselves.  With those parameters in mind,  I have no clue how people end up buying a mountain of gifts for someone.  You do not give to say that you gave.  Giving does not earn you a star on your homework.  Giving should be done with intention and without the expectation of receiving anything in return.  How many of you frame gift giving in that light?

As I do, I blame society for our focus on giving the perfect gift, or the right amount of gifts, which, let's be honest, is better described as a mountain of them.  To be clear, the way we celebrate is more a celebration of unnecessary gift giving, going into debt to keep up with the holiday Jones', and losing sight of the original reason the holidays are worth our time and attention in the first place.  While it is a myth that suicide rates climb during the holidays, I’m sure we all know someone who is struggling in general, and they seems to be more down during the holiday season.  This idea got me thinking about why this happens. I did some basic research and it became clear very quickly why some find the holidays so overwhelming and depressing.  According to holiday spending statistics from Capital One, the average American will spend around $1,000.00 on the 2024 holiday season, however, the average consumer budget for the 2024 holiday season is reportedly around $902.00.  This alone highlights my point, suggesting that we are over spending by about $100.00 compared to our established budget.  This $902.00 per person figure is up dramatically from the 2013 individual budget which was approximately $767.00 per person.  I’m not done yet. Perhaps one of the most disturbing statistics I found was that on average the American shopper will increase spending by 3% in 2024 from 2023 holiday spending.  If this trend continues just think how out of control this problem becomes in 5 or 10 years.  Obviously, much of this is due to inflation and other economic issues that I am in no way qualified to talk about.  This blog is 100 percent opinion and in my opinion, there is a very simple way to stop, or at least, slow, this increased spending that is impossible to keep up with.  STOP SPENDING.  I don’t mean all together of course, but let's rein it in and get grounded on what is truly important during this time of year.  These numbers suggest a few things, one of which is that the pressure to bring a gift to every single event or only pour top shelf booze at your holiday dinner party is probably the main, if not only reason, the spending is so high. Slowed spending means less demand for the hottest kids toys or the latest iPhone next Christmas, so the cost will certainly come down, allowing us to stay in budget, but this is not an economic blog-yet.

Possibly the most important piece to all of this that should not be ignored is the toll this behavior takes on our kids.  My friends with little ones watching, you know how it feels when your kids ask for the latest Air Jordan's because they saw it on Instagram or their rich friend (by the way, I bet their parents actually have a shit load of debt and you should not envy their parents) told them they must wear in order to be popular.  The previous model or version or style will absolutely not do, and the price does not matter whatsoever to your 10 year old.  Lets not deprive our kids, but the more you give them the more they want.   You are inadvertently teaching them that excess is okay, and that it is both the standard and necessary to have far more than they need.  This cycle is the exact reason why Americans are increasing their holiday budget every year and still over spending, and why our kids are overweight, depressed and have atrocious social skills.  It is all connected, people!  So, instill the value of experience and love in everything you do, especially the holidays.  It is likely that your parental karma meter and wallet will thank you in the future. 

So by this time you know what I want for us all.  A holiday that focuses on experiences and memories not delivering a sleigh full of (mostly) meaningless gifts to everyone you know.  What does that look like?  It is different for us all, certainly, but I will take this opportunity to detail out my ideal Christmas celebrations.

We all likely have multiple friend or family gatherings during the season and I love the idea of a casual simple event mid December.  Some kind of baking celebration with friends and family, a light easy meal and maybe some fun activities for the kids in attendance.  Gifts are not required and I would probably ban them from this celebration.  If everyone brings a dish to pass and a smile it should be a happy time for all.  Christmas eve could be a meal shared with another friend group or maybe just my immediate family. Again, enjoying the company of loved ones and not exchanging gifts is the goal here.  Christmas day I would love to exchange the few intentional and thoughtful gifts with my (non-existent) husband and kids. Perhaps make breakfast together, hot chocolate for all and Christmas carols playing in the background. The focus here is on the experience and the love that is around you.  Later a dinner with family, an event where adults do not need to exchange gifts because the act of preparing and sharing a meal together, telling stories over a few drinks and maybe some games will leave you feeling more fulfilled and joyful than any new coat or phone, stack of gift cards or a hull from Sephora ever could.  How do I know?  Because I’ve been there, done that.  Material things fade, tarnish, become boring and lose value.  Your favorite people, favorite foods and a bunch of laughs will never leave you feeling gypped.  Their value is not measurable.

When we make our time, our homes, sharing a meal, sharing a laugh, showing compassion, and spreading kindness and joy a gift, it takes away the need for us to fill that void with material things.  I think that is the ultimate take away here.  Our need to feel loved and appreciated is not satisfied by an unreasonable amount of gifts to unwrap or give.  It is satisfied by genuine and sincere human connection.  That is what makes a holiday worth celebrating.  No gifts required.

Trash the rules.  Open your mind.

If you are interested in more of America's holiday spending habits and the source of the above spending data, please follow the link to Capital One Research.

https://capitaloneshopping.com/research/holiday-shopping-statistics/